Wednesday, 16 May 2012

I swoon uncontrollably when I hear thunder or see lightning. *content face*

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

See, Jen's posts are so interesting. So funny and nice to read. Mine? Mine are me just saying random things that are on my mind, that people probably don't want to hear. Ugh. I'm in so much pain. I don't even know why.
Yep, Chelsey. Mess up everything. That's cool.

Monday, 14 May 2012

Ohmahgosh! I can't stop thinking about you! asdfghjkl

Saturday, 12 May 2012

What the flying shit?! Oh my god!!    :O   O.O  What?!?!
Concert last night.
Amazing.
Band merch.
I'm addicted now.
The way the music ..almost pulses through you.
The way you can scream, and still barely hear yourself.
The way you can just.. let go.
Let go of everything.
And!
And!
How afterwards, it sounds like peoples' voices have been heliumed! xD

And OH MY LORD. That guitar solo. *swoon*
Favourite part of the night, when I got that text at exactly 12:45am. Made my night. :3

Friday, 11 May 2012

It's okay to walk all over me. As long as you're happy. That's all that matters to me, and it's the best I can do to make you happy..
Van Halen concert, here we gooooooo...
I want a hug. Wait.. Wait, no I don't. I want THE hug. You know? The hug that comforts you, regardless of the circumstances, your surroundings, or your pain. The hug that makes you feel loved and wanted, the hug that brings you out of the depths of your despair. With just that one hug, life suddenly gets a thousand times better. The hug you get from someone you love. Not just that, but who loves you back too. *sigh* *wants to write more, but needs to re-clean my room before someone gets home*

Thursday, 10 May 2012

I wonder if they can see the pain in my eyes.
*gun to my head*
If you were to just hold me in your arms, I could forget the world. Wouldn't that be nice? Too bad I'm such a bitch, and piss you off with every word I say.
Just when I thought my life was getting better, it leaps into a darkened downward spiral.
It's going to be a long night.
I hope you text me before the end of the night. I want to fall asleep with the comfort of your kind and loving words circling inside my head.
Chelsey, stop giggling like a madman and blushing profusely every time someone merely mentions his name. >.<
Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

I'm too clingy and needy : (
My sense of privacy has been completely diminished. I might as well put a sign on my door that says, "Open to the general public." -.-
I thought I was through with all this "getting bullied" bullshit.

Monday, 7 May 2012

Lemme.. Lemme just describe my situation, right here..

Moments ago, I heard the ungodly shriek of a cat.

I bolted up in bed and launched myself at the window to figure out what horrible event was taking place just outside. With my eyes not adjusted to the darkness quite yet, I couldn't make out anything outside my window. I could feel eyes on me, though.. Slowly, I backed away, keeping my eyes on the unseen. Listening closely, I became aware of the distant car alarm. Eerie, the car alarm frequently faded out, only to return seconds later. Wait.. Something is shuffling through the grass outside.. Stay silent.. Don't blink..
Silence and anticipation..

Hold me. T.T
Frustration.
Sorta proud of myself right now.
If I just lay here..
Sure, when it comes to self harm, I can slash open my wrists without a thought (if it weren't for my friends). But when it comes to stabbing a blister, I can't do it.. (Yes, I need to stab it..)

Sunday, 6 May 2012

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! If you read my "Liife Story" then you'll understand: my bracelet was actually half the reason I didn't cut two nights ago! :D *accomplishment*
I'm going no where in life.

Saturday, 5 May 2012

So my family pressured me into making puffed wheat squares because I ate some chocolate. le sigh
Because.. what if I hurt you..

It'd be all my fault..

I wouldn't be able to..  forgive myself..

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

I don't feel like life. Do I have to have life today? Can I just.. skip a few days? Months, even?

Saturday, 28 April 2012

Q.Q I just got told by someone that I remind them of a zombie.. :')

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

My thoughts.

My mother was schizophrenic. I've been told that schizophrenia is hereditary. I'm worried.

I've now labelled myself as a 'freak', after so long of not knowing what I am.

I did three (or more..) courageous things today.

I'm incredibly restless.

I got kicked out of class (for the first time in my life) yesterday, because of my restlessness.

I got a pink balloon today. It made me happy. Today was a happy day, besides the circumstances.

*sigh*

I wonder how much I eat in a day..
Why do I even have a blog.
My voice goes extremely quiet when extremely nervous.
Oh my gosh.. Hugs.. I'M SO HAPPY. ^.^
I'm wearing a good amount of pink today.

Monday, 23 April 2012

And I totally just remembered this: Poutine is my comfort food, but is really messy and embarassing to eat.

I'm such a freak ^.^

Cleaning my left ear makes me cough.

If I keep my bed in the same spot for too long, I have more trouble getting to sleep than if I move it around my bedroom often.

I'm currently in the process of reading three different books.

I actually like pink.

I contradict myself a lot.

I actually only started looking people in the eyes when I'm talking to them, or when they're talking to me, when a cop was asking me a whole bunch of questions after I was molested.

I'm terrified of swimming in dark waters. Absolutely terrified.

My bedtime is actually 10:30.

I have NO bloody idea what I'm doing with my life.

I get really worried when people don't text me back, and I get worried that I pissed them off.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Ever get the feeling that someone hates you so much that they would be repulsed by the very fact that you even liked their facebook status?
It's depressing when a close friend thinks he's ruining your weekend by texting you..

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Erm...

BY the way, <I love that song..> when I say "you" on here, it can mean, like, two different people sometimes. Like, when I said "I also have you", I meant someone different than when I said "Yeah, you know who it is, don't tell". Because.. yeah.. I'm just like that. Sorry. If that.. makes sense at all. Eff, I must stop checking my phone every five seconds ._.

Liife Story.

This is for my amazing friend, who doesn't realize how fucking incredible he is.

I don’t understand the downsides of cutting. I don’t. Cutting is bad for some strange reason. We aren’t allowed to shed our blood, to cause ourselves pain, because it’s sick and just isn’t right. But it’s okay to make yourself deaf by listening to music to make yourself feel better. You don’t hear people complaining about how listening to music is bad (referring to the release of emotions you feel when listening to music you connect with and fully describes your mood and predicament). Yeah, sure, you bleed when you cut. Listening to music loud enough to satisfy your emotional needs harms your eardrums. Watch, I’m trying to rationalize bring harm to yourself, mutilating and cutting yourself to pieces. Slashing every inch of your flesh, watching the crimson red blood flow freely out your every cut, every slice and wound in your skin. But it’s okay to make yourself deaf by listening to music to make yourself feel better. It’s okay to become dependant on therapists to feel better, you can’t rely on yourself to relieve pressure. Not saying that music isn't a good thing, though.. So, here’s my life story. Mostly just the worse parts. My mother told me that when I was born, I weighed 4lbs, 6oz. She told me that the doctor called me "the healthiest bone bag that he's ever seen." : )  My mother and father divorced when I was three, so my two siblings and I visited our father every second weekend. Our mother remarried a waste of flesh by the name of… let’s call him ‘L’. Our house burnt down on the farm, we lost everything. Later our father remarried a lady who’ll go by the name of ‘D’. D has three children: two daughters and one son. The daughters are snobs, the son… eh, he wants to fuck me. (Person who's name starts with a "D"? Yeah, you know who it is, don't tell.)So L was a drug and alcohol addict, and he died a few weeks ago. He verbally abused my siblings and me, and one particular memory I have of him was throwing a mop at me javelin-style. I dodged it, though. Also, he pulled the keys out of the car just as my mother was turning onto a highway, resulting in a car barely missing hitting our car. He touched my sister inappropriately and ordered my mother around. He cuddled me. When he was naked. Immediately after I got out of a bath or shower. My mom, as a result, to all the stress from him and her children,  turned more heavily onto cigarettes and alcohol, barely eating, having a terrible time sleeping, with nightmares and all. As a small ignorant child, I ignored all this, saying to myself, “She’ll get better, she’ll get better.” As my mother got skinnier and skinnier, sicker and sicker, my sister moved out of the house and into town because of L. Being as we lived in the middle of nowhere, she couldn’t just go stay at a friend’s or anything…. My brother moved out a few years later as well, for the same reason. I thought L was alright, after all, I was a little ignorant child who was easily convinced as such. Random fact: I hit my head on things a lot. There was one time where I was running up the stairs, and turned the corner when I got to the top. My long, braided hair caught on the window blinds that were next to me. My feet flew up, my head stayed where it was, and I landed on the floor, flat on my back. My mom started laughing. >.<  My brother, only hearing me scream and a loud thump, rushed up from downstairs, and started asking me if I was okay. : )  Another story: My mom had just put my long hair in a loose bun on the back of my head. I noticed it would flop if I flung my head down. I was sitting in front of a table. I threw my head down, my hair flopped up, I -slammed- my head onto the solid oak table. Ouch. Anyway, I spent much of my time outside, in forts, on walks.. I had a best friend who lived half a mile from my house, so I visited a LOT. I also went over to my other neighbours’s a lot, where we jumped on the trampoline and played on the haybales. One calm, peaceful night, we were hanging out, as usual. He’s as old as my brother. I got bored jumping on the tramp, so I asked, “Can we go jump on the bales?” In response, he offered, “Will you do anything?” Me, being a fucking ignorant child, agreed, “Anything”. We, of course, went and jumped and bounded on the hay bales, from one end of the long stretch to the other. He got bored, and wanted his end of the deal to be fulfilled. We sauntered back to the tramp then, and I resumed bouncing and bouncing and bouncing, as he lay on the cool grass beside the tramp. He proceeded to persuade me to lay beside him, which I eventually gave in and did. We laid there, side by side, the mildly damp grass gently scratching and cooling our backsides, gazing at the stars above. He softly placed his hand over my mouth, climbed on me, his legs split and bent at the knees to place his *cough* crotch over mine. He pinned down my arms above my head, and began to edge his hand further and further down my pants.. In visitations to my father’s, my two step sisters raided my belongings and took as they pleased. They verbally abused me as well, occasional physical abusing. My step mother and I didn’t really get along.. Enough said. So life went on like that for a while. I went from strongly disliking going to my father’s, to it wasn’t so bad, to silently resenting L. Let’s skip to where I move into my father’s house, directly across the school. My brother later told me how much I had upset my mom by doing that, by moving out without any notice. So, one night, when Mom and L were in town, I called my father and he came (ha, he came) and got my cat and I. We went Dad’s house, and everything proceeded as normal. It was a little odd being there on that day, it had a different feel, a different vibe to it than normal. So I went to school as normal, Mom took the cat back the next day. The next time I had communication with her after my moving was at least 3 weeks after. I felt so guilty.. So I started to have visitations with my mother, going out there every few weekends, whenever. I started to stop going out there.. I stopped calling her so frequently.. I stopped pretty much all communication with her. I felt that I was taking too much of her time, that I was a burden, and the time she spent taking care of me she could be spending taking care of herself. I just tried to focus all my time on.. anything else. Life went on. I had two friends at my school, one of which wasn’t in my grade, the other I barely talked to. I just sat there in the classroom, listening, silently observing. I got along better with the guys than I did with the girls, though. I always have. I passed all my classes with an average average. (<–intentional repetition). I started to get attracted to darkness and bleakness, but not really showing it. Skipping ahead, to a few weeks before September. My mom got considerably worse in health, and had frequent trips to the hospital. She finally ended up staying in the hospital, yellow as ever. Which reminds me of the time where we went out together, and she bought me glasses. The exact ones I have right now, I think….. Maybe? No? I don’t know, and it depresses me because I can’t remember ._. But while my mom and I were walking to the optometrist, I commented on how strangely yellow she looked. She, knowing that it was probably the beginnings of jaundice, got concerned.. But skipping back to my mother in the hospital, my sister then made the comment, “You’ve looked like you’ve aged 50 years from the last time I saw you..” I brought our doll to her, Sweetest Cow. She kissed the doll, and snuggled up with it. It made me die inside, for it made me reminisce all the times we had played with my dolls together, giving each a voice and unique personality. I didn’t cry. We left shortly thereafter. She got transferred to Red Deer Intensive Care Unit after her first heart attack. We drove there, me silently crying off and on, turning away so no one would see me breakdown.. When we saw her.. One eyelid was barely open, showing her yellowed sclera, ( <--- technical word >:D ) the other eyelid fluttering as the machine forced air into her lungs, forcing her to breathe, her heart to pump. Her deeply tinted yellow skin littered with bruises, discolorations, and dried blood. I was given an unwanted moment alone with her, my mother. The very last moment I ever had with her. I said a few short words, and held back the tears that were burning the edges of my eyes, threatening to burst and show the world how weak I am. The last words I ever said to her? “I love you, mom. Feel better, see ya.” Yeah, talking to an almost corpse, unknowing if she was aware of my last awkward moment with her, wasted. I left then, back to my sister who was waiting patiently in the hall. I spent the next night, along with my sister, with our aunt in a trailer in Red Deer, with plans to go to the hospital in the morning. Well, in the morning, we got a call from the doctors, notifying us of the disheartening fact that she had died ten minutes before from a series of heartattacks. I didn’t cry. The next night, I was screaming, shaking from the force of my cries. The days past, I was either in denial or was numb. Her first birthday without her. First Christmas without her. Nothing had any meaning. School, eat, sleep. School, eat, sleep. I cried sometimes. Sometimes I didn’t. My teacher pulled me aside one day, and mentioned how my grades had dropped drastically after my mom died.. I hadn't noticed. I started with just a little cut, just to try it. I didn’t mean it to go that far, I was only curious. I liked it. I really, really liked it. More, I needed more. I started to crave it, to rely on it, it was everything. Then, my now -only- friend at school cut as well. We fuelled eachother. I started burning too. I smoked, I tried weed. My world was going to hell, I couldn’t seem to breathe without pain. Pain was everything. One night, I took 5 tylenol, 5 advil, some sleeping pills, various other pills, and a fair bit of booze. Suicide attempt #1. Pathetic, eh? I actually can’t remember the other suicide attempts.. I stayed as a recluse in my room. School, room, food, room, sleep. Repeat. Then the eating stopped. Music. I Don’t Care by Apocalyptica. The Bleeding by Five Finger Death Punch. The house set on fire. We lost a bit, the cats got out via my bedroom window. We moved to town, into a house above a pot smoker, whom of which no one got along with but me. I met a boy. Quite literally the best kisser I’ve ever met. (Not like I've kissed many people, anyway : )  He wants absolutely nothing to do with me. He was the cause of me stopping cutting, he really helped.. He made me promise I won’t kill myself, and I will hold true. I now have a bracelet, a lock bracelet, that will hopefully keep me from cutting. I also have you, yes -you- to help me through this. Thank you.

Friday, 20 April 2012

It makes me laugh that my first word to you was "sorry". Because I almost hit you with a pot. *facepalm*
My fucking god. Every. Single. Night. I think of how amazing it would be if I could have someone to hug, and to hug me back.
I wish I could stop falling in love with you.
Eep :3

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Hard to believe I actually got the chance to kiss you at one point.

Monday, 16 April 2012

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Saturday, 7 April 2012

x3

My hair is in pigtails.


Picture unrelated.

Random Update.. 4

So, I'm sitting here, next to my sister, in the livingroom. Some grandparents are over, and everyone's looking at me like "why are you on your laptop? dude!" But yeah, here I am, still blogging. These couches are bloody comfy! I'm wearing a skirt for the second day in a row! I feel springy! Lardydar. My brother just poked my neck O.o  I don't even know. Oh, that's what I wanted to say to you. My blood sugar level has been so low lately! Dude! I must eat. So I can grow and be tall! I want to be taller! :D

Friday, 6 April 2012

Stop.

Just stop.

Oh my gosh, so much sneezing!

Well. I've sneezed four times today. I was discussing with a friend our wishes, and one of her wishes was to be 18. I personally don't want to be 18 or older, because of multiple reasons. See, she mainly wanted to be 18 so she didn't have to wait for All Ages Shows. I'm assuming that's a band.. But I told her I'm focusing on school, and her reply was, "I'm not.".. *sigh* While I'm drowning myself with knowledge, notebooks and no social life, my best friend is concerning herself with criminal behaviour, illegal things, not school. Well I suppose that explains my high marks in social. A bloody 100% on a unit test.. Apparently I'm the worst person in the world to confide in. I suck. I have a feeling I'm going to hole up in my room tomorrow when the massive group of people is over. Are over? Is over? Ha, so I fail at "draw something", an ipod app. I fail even more at temple run. meh. I napped from 7-10:30pm yesterday, then stayed awake til 5am. I woke up at 9:50 feeling very refreshed. I didn't come out of my room until after noon, though. I really like my room! Maybe I'll do a panorama of it and show you. Maybe not. But another panorama in Digital wouldn't hurt. So I revamped my lock bracelet after I tore it off last week.
hurray.

It's spring. Why haven't I seen a storm?

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Random Update.. 3

I'm failing as a blogger! Lol, I'm just not posting a lot.. Life is busy and chaotic! So I'm going to clean my room here soon, it's a terrible mess. Kay, so I studied for part of the first class, the next two classes, and lunch. Not just that, I just meant that's all I studied today. What for? The unit test in social immediately after lunch. Now, let's hope I didn't study all that for nothing, and <oh god, so I'm watching danisnotonfire and I just spit all over my lap top because I burst out laughing> let's hope that I don't fail so bad, that I study that much and I still bomb the test. That would be terrible. After <my bracelet lock is seriously rubbing against the lap top when I'm typing fast and it's really loud>  the test, I wrote out my entire essay I wrote for English, and then I added a whole bunch more. In English next class though, he said it wasn't due until tomorrow. So I just sat there, in my chair, listening to Tim and the others talk. I could've written more, and I should have, but seriously my brain was dead from last class. And earlier today. So I found five bucks while walking home. That made me happy. In science I was partnered with a brat, which gave me the time to study. Okay, so <I say "so" a lot> Blake Bliss <OMG BLAKE BLISS> messaged me back on youtube <OMG> which made my day again. He smiled! :D I'm going to write him a letter in Flex tomorrow, I will. It's going be in my new notebook :3 I really like that notebook. I wrote seven pages of notes in it for the social test. I'm hungry. I'm listening to a playlist of Blake Bliss.. I should be cleaning my room, I should. I will. Ish.. I'll make my bed and hope for early sleep. I want farm water. I want to run, and act like a child again. That was fun yesterday!! I almost dropped my phone in the toilet again today. I forgot my memory card in the computer in first class yesterday, but fortunately someone turned it in! My gratitude goes out to you! I'm actually thirsty.. I'm going to sign off here, go get some water and OH! I need to buy something pink, asap. I shall sign off now, take care.

Saturday, 31 March 2012

Stop.

I need to stop.
To cease all living.
I need to think before acting
I know it sounds cheesy
But bare with me
If you truly care.
You see, my brain has this thing.
It's dense.
Other than that
There's nothing it can be
I don't know if this makes sense to you
Welcome to my brain, you must be new!
I made a foolish poem
In hopes of.. "venting"
My way of repenting?
Fat chance, there's no hope for me
I regret it
Okay?
And now I need to pay
For the injustice
I've mounded onto you
My love for him,
I've never outgrown.
I should've seen it before
Before I wanted more
Before I led you on
Let you fall..
I'm not proud of this poem
It's of very poor quality..
I need to learn
GOD!
LEARN, CHELSEY!
Get it through your thick skull
That you can't go around
Using people
Hurting people
My attempts at love are so feeble
Wasted on unwanting hearts
While I steal the joy
From trusting souls
With my sick, twisted
Claws of pain
Ripping into their hearts..
I need to stop.

Friday, 30 March 2012

Untitled?

You ever get that desire for something, and you can't justify why? That.. that craving for that certain thing, and it won't cease pestering you until you finally break down and give in, and succumb to the yearning.. It's so unreasonable.. I don't understand why I crave it so.. Dot dot dot. Yep, food's great.

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

:3


Hot Iced Tea and Grapefruit. Time to start my messed up and unorganized blog of pictures. I thank you all so much that are looking at this, it completely makes my day to see all my pageviews : )
Three times today! That definitely isn't all
the blood, too. And no, it isn't
menstruating blood :S

Doggeh loved where I sprayed my bed too..

He messed up my bed....

Doggeh positively loved the air freshener, he was rolling and rolling around on the floor.
*a little spurtz*  Ignoring the vaccuum, which one is better? This one or....

This one?

I hung up my shirts
Step one: bottom sheet
Step two: blanket
Step three: favourite blanket
Step four: pillows!
Step five: make it look professional-like
Step six: final touches
Listening to it at the moment : )
My epic shirt I bought with my besties the other year!
The towel I use to dye my hair with.. That's just one side, too.
I noticed the difference in colour of my three green shirts..
I vaccuumed
My wall!
Listened to NeverShoutNever
I like it! Excpept my thumb looks really fat. But I really like it!
Facebooked!
Listened to Call Me Maybe
Did laundry..
So apparently I like picture blogs. Maybe I'll do a vlog :3 Should I?
I watched Nathan, Blake and Cyr!

My bouncy ball.
My light switch! <3
I made sugar cookies from scratch, from my mom's recipie.
I watched Nathan and Destery play Legend of Zelda - Skyward Sword

This ring. Is bloody amazing.

I stared at the ceiling


I watched Shane Dawson!

Monday, 26 March 2012

Sunday, 25 March 2012

Awww... (Jus' me being weird)

When you love someone, your love for them grows each day. you cant imagine a life without them. Every day you feel your heart has reached its largest point and the next day it grows yet again for this person. They become as much a part of you as you are, you love them. When you are in love with somebody, it would most likely be your spouse. You can show your appreciation for each other easily. You feel the same way you do when you love each other but it's more than that. You will spend the rest of your life together and they become a giant part of your life.
*Love is a powerful emotion and it has many levels within it. You can love your parents, love your children, love your siblings, love your friends... even love your enemies all with different levels of love. Loving someone and being in-love with them are two different types and levels of emotion. When you are in-love, you think of them constantly, enjoy their company whether you're talking or not, just being in the same room together is comfortable and pleasing, you appreciate and respect them and the differences between the two of you, you cannot imagine your life without them in it, every day you feel your heart could not possibly love them more until the next day when the love in your heart grows yet again for this person. Being in-love, is a strong passionate emotion powerful enough to prompt great changes in your life. It can also heighten your sexuality in that you want to be so completely wrapped up with this person you have an intense desire to show your love physically, unselfishly pleasing them completely before yourself because when you're pleasing them it gives you a heightened sense of pleasure within your soul. Love is ever changing, as life unfolds many different challenges for us to overcome. Being "in-love", over time, will increasingly change as the two of you grow together or apart. It can ripen into a full blown lifelong fulfilling commitment, if nurtured properly. However, even when nurtured properly, life still has a way of effecting the levels of love whether positively or negatively.
Knowing the difference between love, lust, and the love that will grow into a lifelong fulfilling existence can take days, months, even years before the truth exposes itself through life experiences, red flags, and "deal breakers". Above all, be honest with yourself, sensitive to your gut feelings so you can follow them instead of dismissing things away and end up in a lifelong discontented relationship.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Whats_the_difference_between_in_love_and_love

Hurrah.


Pictures. Hurrah.
 
I like ze shadow : 3

How Come pt. 2


So why, again with associating, why do we assume that just because an individual has one earring in, particularly the right ear, that they're gay? I'm not positive that this applies to females as well, but with males it's a more common thing to associate that with homosexuality. Now, since when did a PIECE OF JEWELRY -define- you as something? That's almost like saying if a girl wears bracelets, then she's a slut. Yes, some sluts wear bracelets. (This is a poor example..) Just because you wear a bracelet doesn't mean you're just like all the others that wear bracelets. Yes, some gays wear one or more earrings. Some don't. Just because a man wears jewelry, doesn't make him like everyone else that wears jewelry. That's stereotyping based on appearance, and is down right ignorant. Now, just because some gays don't wear jewelry doesn't make them straight. I don't know what perspective I'm going at this with, considering I have no idea what gender I'm attracted to. I do believe, however, that your attire does say something about who you are. A self-proclaimed goth would probably not go out of their way to wear pink.. I wouldn't really know, and I'm trying so desperately not to stereotype and assume, because everyone is different and has different reasons for different things. I can most definitely not speak for everyone who just dresses in black. Most definitely cannot. Considering I do have a flamboyant green shirt that I adore :3. Everyone should speak for themselves and have a very knowledgeable reason for their opinions. See, I wear black because I see the beauty in black, and simply because I like black. Not because it represents the dark and dreary persona I have inside my soul, darkened from my past and tainted by hate. No. I love life! I get down a lot, especially when my friends aren't happy. It's not that their depression spreads to me, it's that I get so concerned about them. Now, just because someone wears black doesn't mean they're depressed. *reference to yesterday's blog* .. Do not judge a book by it's cover: open it up to the middle and start reading, and gather your thoughts upon that. Now, I have two gay friends: the female doesn't wear one earring, the male does. : ) I have a few bi-sexual friends: the male wears two earrings, and they're quite cool. The females wear two earrings, or none at all. I don’t know, I’m blithering on and on about randomness which doesn’t exactly make sense. I shouldn't have fell asleep on the floor. -.- I don't think I'll be able to get up for my morning date.. :s I'm going to stop talking now.. nigh night. (I doubt I'll ever get around to that "How Come PT. 3")

Friday, 23 March 2012

How Come pt. 1

Here we go, let's see if I can get through this. How come we associate black with death? Why is black stereotyped with being depressed and mourning? I acknowledge, however, that in some cases this is true. Why don't we associate black with the beauty of the night, the stars and happiness? Gosh, I don't sound very intelligent.. I understand that, yes, inside coffins is dark and such.. Okay, just because you wear dark clothes, and stay away from people, doesn't mean you're depressed. There are depressed individuals that wear everyday clothes and they aren't stereotyped as depressed. My opinion? Get to know the person before you assume. Don't assume: even better. You only know what people tell you, the rest is assumptions and guessing. See, I was thinking. Scary, right? That what if someone were to dress, every single day, in one shade of blue. Yes, they wouldn't be construed as normal, but they wouldn't be stereotyped as depressed. Looks and appearances are SO incredibly important to today's society. Yes, looks were always, always important to everybody, always. Just more and more so over the years.. So.. So focused on perfect hair and complexion, straight, vibrant white teeth. Girls, you're not allowed any hair except on your head. You can't wear pants that don't accentuate your ass, shirts that don't show cleavage. Speaking of which, you simply aren't right if you don't have at least a C cup by age fifteen. But wait! There's more! See, if you wear this type of clothing, you're a slut! Now paint on your face, both metaphorical and not, and face the world and be expected to smile and wave, smile and wave. This would sound a lot better if I could read this to you..  Because none of us are perfect the way we are, "A little nip here and a little tuck there. Great, now come back next week for some more!" Now, ask me how this went from stereotyping black clothing to this? Not important. Yes, society! You're beautiful the way you are! Now, just a little photoshop here, there! Miss Photoshopped, you can make the advertisement for self-love for what you are! Even the plus-sized women aren't that plus sized. Obsessed with making others love you, you absolutely loathe yourself and change yourself to please them! If you change yourself.. are you really yourself? Now. Men. Get your muscles all big and strong, because all girls love big muscular men who inject steroids! You need a six pack to fit my standards, your hair needs to be cut short, I definitely don't like long hair or originality in my guys. Oh yes, because I like guys. Now, I want my guys to be exactly like the next: bronzed skin, bulging biceps, and raging six packs. I don't want them to have any emotions, or know how to cry during a movie. That's what men are: manly men. Sorry, I'm just venting.. Dafuq, society. Dafuq.

Random Update.. 2

Ha. So. I dropped my phone in the toilet. Now, considering my profound desire to communicate, along with my week-long spring break, I'm predicting numerous blogs coming your way. I'm sitting here, blowdryer in hand, attempting to dry my phone and battery.. I'm doubting it'll work. But hey, it's worth a shot. Let's see, testing it... IT FUCKING WORKS! IT MOTHERFUCKING WORKS OH MY GOD! Well, the buttons are majorly malfunctioning, but maybe a little more blowdrying will fix that. So, I hope you'll understand, that I'm blogging off and on, because *breaks out into song* I've got places to go, people to see, the penitentiary ain't no place for me. I'm warning you do not tempt me, I'll run up and squeeze and put a hole in you.. *unbreak of song* So I've thought of another subject for my "How Come" blog. Assumptions. Now, I'm talking about the broad category here, but on the actual blogs regarding the subject, I'm hoping to speak on a more specific level.. You'll see. Also, I'm blogging off and on, as always, because I'm facebook browsing. I shut my phone off again, let's see if that helps.. I really hope it does.. :S Okay, this is going no where. Signing off. Take care, I'll try and blog them blogs soons.

Random Update...

I apologise for not blogging. Like it matters, anyway. I'm merely a speck, or less than a speck, of random person on this enormous world. I hardly make a difference, and I'm pretty sure my blogs don't do anything for anyone. Later, I hope to write a blog named "How Come?". It will be on the subject of earrings. I would like to write a second part to that blog on ..something. I forgot. I suddenly remember picking scabs out of my hair when I was younger and had chicken pox. Odd.
Well, lunch is over in fifteen minutes. My friend got a reasonably deep papercut from my binder, and she started smearing the blood onto her sandwich, claiming blood tastes good. I agree, to an extent. It's good in small amounts, not huge doses at once.((I'm such a freak.) My science teacher called me a vampire today. I have Social next with one of my absolute favourite teachers. Then English with my best friend, whom of which is being a brat, being as he won't finish his sentence from last night. It's driving me insane. So, my other friend with awesome purple hair, cannot come over after school today, with my apparently not completing my chores from the previous day. Yes, because I can remember every single little teensy weensy itty bitty small tiny word you tell me, when I'm worried sick about my best friend. I'm sorry. I'm going to sign off, take care of yourself.

Monday, 19 March 2012

Food Substances

You know how you eat, let's say, KFC or McDonald's for a meal, but your parents or guardians deny you the right to eat chips, or the like? Like, what? See, from my perspective, KFC (by the way, I'm only using KFC as a main example because that is what I am currently eating) is a bunch of grease and preservatives. Basically. Chips are, as well. You may say, "Chelsey, KFC has chicken in it! It isn't all bad!". I agree with you there, although, chips have potatoes in them. Parents still don't allow you to indulge ourselves in the unhealthy substance that are chips, but they allow you to consume KFC as a meal. Now, to me, a meal is supposed to be a time to eat a fair share of vegetables, proteins and vitamins. I do absolutely agree that KFC does have some nutritional value, as does anything. I'm merely stating my point of view, which says.. multiple things. For one, why is KFC any better than chips, or most other 'junk food'? Also, meals are about nutrition and being healthy, not consuming substances that have high grease content, and are incredibly processed. Substances we refer to as 'food'. Well, I come to the conclusion that I am through with that subject for the time being..

Sunday, 18 March 2012

Just If You Want

Territory War Online, Afro-Ninja

Immature Individuals

Okay, so I was playing Territory War Online. I was battling an opponent who claimed themself to be a female college student. They talked as though they were eight years old, and incessantly labelled me as a homosexual. Now, this individual didn't say it as such, they said, "ur gay". Isn't that mature for a 'college student' to say? I stated that, that, in my opinion, they are excruciatingly immature. This individual responded that they were, in fact, a female college student, and I should, in fact, respect them because they are older than I, and they are a female. Keep in mind, that this character wasn't speaking as I'm portraying 'her' to be. She was using poor spelling, horrid grammar, and terrible sentence structure. Now, I just finished playing against a very kind-hearted female, whom of which sounded incredibly intelligent and was just amazing to play against. Although, she had to depart from our gameplay, so my current opponent is pretty much like the first. This person just sent me a message saying, "go shit ass in ur titty". Now, what does that mean? It means, to my interpretation, that this generation is going to shit. *sigh* At least I have half a brain cell to use more vocabulary than profanity, as well as to try and not use words as derogatory terms.
PS: I speak some Spanish
Take care. : )

Saturday, 17 March 2012

Potato House!

My lap top's about to die.. Okay, so I didn't get to sleep until two in the morning last night, because of the monstrous being I commonly refer to as the 'spider'. I was planning on  getting up at 8 this morning, to fix myself up for the day, and head off with my brother and sister. I ended up getting woken up by my sister at 11, and we finally left at twelve. We headed out to the farm (where we used to live, before we moved out, before our mother died, before our step-father died.) with cleaning supplies and hot dogs for a lunch. Someone broke in. Again. The microwave was gone O.o .. So we got thirteen bags of garbage out of that house today, including the contents of the upstairs livingroom china cabinet/entertainment centre, as well as used needles from one dresser drawer from one of the downstairs bedrooms. I felt a very strong urge to wash the stairs that lead to the basement, they were atrocious.
Stairs.
 Check out Blake Bliss, he's amazing.
Here:

 All of his material is incredible, he really helped me a lot with my life.
This is going no where. I'm going to end this. Take care!
Potato house!

Field at my mother's.