Saturday, 31 March 2012


I need to stop.
To cease all living.
I need to think before acting
I know it sounds cheesy
But bare with me
If you truly care.
You see, my brain has this thing.
It's dense.
Other than that
There's nothing it can be
I don't know if this makes sense to you
Welcome to my brain, you must be new!
I made a foolish poem
In hopes of.. "venting"
My way of repenting?
Fat chance, there's no hope for me
I regret it
And now I need to pay
For the injustice
I've mounded onto you
My love for him,
I've never outgrown.
I should've seen it before
Before I wanted more
Before I led you on
Let you fall..
I'm not proud of this poem
It's of very poor quality..
I need to learn
Get it through your thick skull
That you can't go around
Using people
Hurting people
My attempts at love are so feeble
Wasted on unwanting hearts
While I steal the joy
From trusting souls
With my sick, twisted
Claws of pain
Ripping into their hearts..
I need to stop.

Friday, 30 March 2012


You ever get that desire for something, and you can't justify why? That.. that craving for that certain thing, and it won't cease pestering you until you finally break down and give in, and succumb to the yearning.. It's so unreasonable.. I don't understand why I crave it so.. Dot dot dot. Yep, food's great.

Tuesday, 27 March 2012


Hot Iced Tea and Grapefruit. Time to start my messed up and unorganized blog of pictures. I thank you all so much that are looking at this, it completely makes my day to see all my pageviews : )
Three times today! That definitely isn't all
the blood, too. And no, it isn't
menstruating blood :S

Doggeh loved where I sprayed my bed too..

He messed up my bed....

Doggeh positively loved the air freshener, he was rolling and rolling around on the floor.
*a little spurtz*  Ignoring the vaccuum, which one is better? This one or....

This one?

I hung up my shirts
Step one: bottom sheet
Step two: blanket
Step three: favourite blanket
Step four: pillows!
Step five: make it look professional-like
Step six: final touches
Listening to it at the moment : )
My epic shirt I bought with my besties the other year!
The towel I use to dye my hair with.. That's just one side, too.
I noticed the difference in colour of my three green shirts..
I vaccuumed
My wall!
Listened to NeverShoutNever
I like it! Excpept my thumb looks really fat. But I really like it!
Listened to Call Me Maybe
Did laundry..
So apparently I like picture blogs. Maybe I'll do a vlog :3 Should I?
I watched Nathan, Blake and Cyr!

My bouncy ball.
My light switch! <3
I made sugar cookies from scratch, from my mom's recipie.
I watched Nathan and Destery play Legend of Zelda - Skyward Sword

This ring. Is bloody amazing.

I stared at the ceiling

I watched Shane Dawson!

Monday, 26 March 2012

Sunday, 25 March 2012

Awww... (Jus' me being weird)

When you love someone, your love for them grows each day. you cant imagine a life without them. Every day you feel your heart has reached its largest point and the next day it grows yet again for this person. They become as much a part of you as you are, you love them. When you are in love with somebody, it would most likely be your spouse. You can show your appreciation for each other easily. You feel the same way you do when you love each other but it's more than that. You will spend the rest of your life together and they become a giant part of your life.
*Love is a powerful emotion and it has many levels within it. You can love your parents, love your children, love your siblings, love your friends... even love your enemies all with different levels of love. Loving someone and being in-love with them are two different types and levels of emotion. When you are in-love, you think of them constantly, enjoy their company whether you're talking or not, just being in the same room together is comfortable and pleasing, you appreciate and respect them and the differences between the two of you, you cannot imagine your life without them in it, every day you feel your heart could not possibly love them more until the next day when the love in your heart grows yet again for this person. Being in-love, is a strong passionate emotion powerful enough to prompt great changes in your life. It can also heighten your sexuality in that you want to be so completely wrapped up with this person you have an intense desire to show your love physically, unselfishly pleasing them completely before yourself because when you're pleasing them it gives you a heightened sense of pleasure within your soul. Love is ever changing, as life unfolds many different challenges for us to overcome. Being "in-love", over time, will increasingly change as the two of you grow together or apart. It can ripen into a full blown lifelong fulfilling commitment, if nurtured properly. However, even when nurtured properly, life still has a way of effecting the levels of love whether positively or negatively.
Knowing the difference between love, lust, and the love that will grow into a lifelong fulfilling existence can take days, months, even years before the truth exposes itself through life experiences, red flags, and "deal breakers". Above all, be honest with yourself, sensitive to your gut feelings so you can follow them instead of dismissing things away and end up in a lifelong discontented relationship.


Pictures. Hurrah.
I like ze shadow : 3

How Come pt. 2

So why, again with associating, why do we assume that just because an individual has one earring in, particularly the right ear, that they're gay? I'm not positive that this applies to females as well, but with males it's a more common thing to associate that with homosexuality. Now, since when did a PIECE OF JEWELRY -define- you as something? That's almost like saying if a girl wears bracelets, then she's a slut. Yes, some sluts wear bracelets. (This is a poor example..) Just because you wear a bracelet doesn't mean you're just like all the others that wear bracelets. Yes, some gays wear one or more earrings. Some don't. Just because a man wears jewelry, doesn't make him like everyone else that wears jewelry. That's stereotyping based on appearance, and is down right ignorant. Now, just because some gays don't wear jewelry doesn't make them straight. I don't know what perspective I'm going at this with, considering I have no idea what gender I'm attracted to. I do believe, however, that your attire does say something about who you are. A self-proclaimed goth would probably not go out of their way to wear pink.. I wouldn't really know, and I'm trying so desperately not to stereotype and assume, because everyone is different and has different reasons for different things. I can most definitely not speak for everyone who just dresses in black. Most definitely cannot. Considering I do have a flamboyant green shirt that I adore :3. Everyone should speak for themselves and have a very knowledgeable reason for their opinions. See, I wear black because I see the beauty in black, and simply because I like black. Not because it represents the dark and dreary persona I have inside my soul, darkened from my past and tainted by hate. No. I love life! I get down a lot, especially when my friends aren't happy. It's not that their depression spreads to me, it's that I get so concerned about them. Now, just because someone wears black doesn't mean they're depressed. *reference to yesterday's blog* .. Do not judge a book by it's cover: open it up to the middle and start reading, and gather your thoughts upon that. Now, I have two gay friends: the female doesn't wear one earring, the male does. : ) I have a few bi-sexual friends: the male wears two earrings, and they're quite cool. The females wear two earrings, or none at all. I don’t know, I’m blithering on and on about randomness which doesn’t exactly make sense. I shouldn't have fell asleep on the floor. -.- I don't think I'll be able to get up for my morning date.. :s I'm going to stop talking now.. nigh night. (I doubt I'll ever get around to that "How Come PT. 3")

Friday, 23 March 2012

How Come pt. 1

Here we go, let's see if I can get through this. How come we associate black with death? Why is black stereotyped with being depressed and mourning? I acknowledge, however, that in some cases this is true. Why don't we associate black with the beauty of the night, the stars and happiness? Gosh, I don't sound very intelligent.. I understand that, yes, inside coffins is dark and such.. Okay, just because you wear dark clothes, and stay away from people, doesn't mean you're depressed. There are depressed individuals that wear everyday clothes and they aren't stereotyped as depressed. My opinion? Get to know the person before you assume. Don't assume: even better. You only know what people tell you, the rest is assumptions and guessing. See, I was thinking. Scary, right? That what if someone were to dress, every single day, in one shade of blue. Yes, they wouldn't be construed as normal, but they wouldn't be stereotyped as depressed. Looks and appearances are SO incredibly important to today's society. Yes, looks were always, always important to everybody, always. Just more and more so over the years.. So.. So focused on perfect hair and complexion, straight, vibrant white teeth. Girls, you're not allowed any hair except on your head. You can't wear pants that don't accentuate your ass, shirts that don't show cleavage. Speaking of which, you simply aren't right if you don't have at least a C cup by age fifteen. But wait! There's more! See, if you wear this type of clothing, you're a slut! Now paint on your face, both metaphorical and not, and face the world and be expected to smile and wave, smile and wave. This would sound a lot better if I could read this to you..  Because none of us are perfect the way we are, "A little nip here and a little tuck there. Great, now come back next week for some more!" Now, ask me how this went from stereotyping black clothing to this? Not important. Yes, society! You're beautiful the way you are! Now, just a little photoshop here, there! Miss Photoshopped, you can make the advertisement for self-love for what you are! Even the plus-sized women aren't that plus sized. Obsessed with making others love you, you absolutely loathe yourself and change yourself to please them! If you change yourself.. are you really yourself? Now. Men. Get your muscles all big and strong, because all girls love big muscular men who inject steroids! You need a six pack to fit my standards, your hair needs to be cut short, I definitely don't like long hair or originality in my guys. Oh yes, because I like guys. Now, I want my guys to be exactly like the next: bronzed skin, bulging biceps, and raging six packs. I don't want them to have any emotions, or know how to cry during a movie. That's what men are: manly men. Sorry, I'm just venting.. Dafuq, society. Dafuq.

Random Update.. 2

Ha. So. I dropped my phone in the toilet. Now, considering my profound desire to communicate, along with my week-long spring break, I'm predicting numerous blogs coming your way. I'm sitting here, blowdryer in hand, attempting to dry my phone and battery.. I'm doubting it'll work. But hey, it's worth a shot. Let's see, testing it... IT FUCKING WORKS! IT MOTHERFUCKING WORKS OH MY GOD! Well, the buttons are majorly malfunctioning, but maybe a little more blowdrying will fix that. So, I hope you'll understand, that I'm blogging off and on, because *breaks out into song* I've got places to go, people to see, the penitentiary ain't no place for me. I'm warning you do not tempt me, I'll run up and squeeze and put a hole in you.. *unbreak of song* So I've thought of another subject for my "How Come" blog. Assumptions. Now, I'm talking about the broad category here, but on the actual blogs regarding the subject, I'm hoping to speak on a more specific level.. You'll see. Also, I'm blogging off and on, as always, because I'm facebook browsing. I shut my phone off again, let's see if that helps.. I really hope it does.. :S Okay, this is going no where. Signing off. Take care, I'll try and blog them blogs soons.

Random Update...

I apologise for not blogging. Like it matters, anyway. I'm merely a speck, or less than a speck, of random person on this enormous world. I hardly make a difference, and I'm pretty sure my blogs don't do anything for anyone. Later, I hope to write a blog named "How Come?". It will be on the subject of earrings. I would like to write a second part to that blog on ..something. I forgot. I suddenly remember picking scabs out of my hair when I was younger and had chicken pox. Odd.
Well, lunch is over in fifteen minutes. My friend got a reasonably deep papercut from my binder, and she started smearing the blood onto her sandwich, claiming blood tastes good. I agree, to an extent. It's good in small amounts, not huge doses at once.((I'm such a freak.) My science teacher called me a vampire today. I have Social next with one of my absolute favourite teachers. Then English with my best friend, whom of which is being a brat, being as he won't finish his sentence from last night. It's driving me insane. So, my other friend with awesome purple hair, cannot come over after school today, with my apparently not completing my chores from the previous day. Yes, because I can remember every single little teensy weensy itty bitty small tiny word you tell me, when I'm worried sick about my best friend. I'm sorry. I'm going to sign off, take care of yourself.

Monday, 19 March 2012

Food Substances

You know how you eat, let's say, KFC or McDonald's for a meal, but your parents or guardians deny you the right to eat chips, or the like? Like, what? See, from my perspective, KFC (by the way, I'm only using KFC as a main example because that is what I am currently eating) is a bunch of grease and preservatives. Basically. Chips are, as well. You may say, "Chelsey, KFC has chicken in it! It isn't all bad!". I agree with you there, although, chips have potatoes in them. Parents still don't allow you to indulge ourselves in the unhealthy substance that are chips, but they allow you to consume KFC as a meal. Now, to me, a meal is supposed to be a time to eat a fair share of vegetables, proteins and vitamins. I do absolutely agree that KFC does have some nutritional value, as does anything. I'm merely stating my point of view, which says.. multiple things. For one, why is KFC any better than chips, or most other 'junk food'? Also, meals are about nutrition and being healthy, not consuming substances that have high grease content, and are incredibly processed. Substances we refer to as 'food'. Well, I come to the conclusion that I am through with that subject for the time being..

Sunday, 18 March 2012

Just If You Want

Territory War Online, Afro-Ninja

Immature Individuals

Okay, so I was playing Territory War Online. I was battling an opponent who claimed themself to be a female college student. They talked as though they were eight years old, and incessantly labelled me as a homosexual. Now, this individual didn't say it as such, they said, "ur gay". Isn't that mature for a 'college student' to say? I stated that, that, in my opinion, they are excruciatingly immature. This individual responded that they were, in fact, a female college student, and I should, in fact, respect them because they are older than I, and they are a female. Keep in mind, that this character wasn't speaking as I'm portraying 'her' to be. She was using poor spelling, horrid grammar, and terrible sentence structure. Now, I just finished playing against a very kind-hearted female, whom of which sounded incredibly intelligent and was just amazing to play against. Although, she had to depart from our gameplay, so my current opponent is pretty much like the first. This person just sent me a message saying, "go shit ass in ur titty". Now, what does that mean? It means, to my interpretation, that this generation is going to shit. *sigh* At least I have half a brain cell to use more vocabulary than profanity, as well as to try and not use words as derogatory terms.
PS: I speak some Spanish
Take care. : )

Saturday, 17 March 2012

Potato House!

My lap top's about to die.. Okay, so I didn't get to sleep until two in the morning last night, because of the monstrous being I commonly refer to as the 'spider'. I was planning on  getting up at 8 this morning, to fix myself up for the day, and head off with my brother and sister. I ended up getting woken up by my sister at 11, and we finally left at twelve. We headed out to the farm (where we used to live, before we moved out, before our mother died, before our step-father died.) with cleaning supplies and hot dogs for a lunch. Someone broke in. Again. The microwave was gone O.o .. So we got thirteen bags of garbage out of that house today, including the contents of the upstairs livingroom china cabinet/entertainment centre, as well as used needles from one dresser drawer from one of the downstairs bedrooms. I felt a very strong urge to wash the stairs that lead to the basement, they were atrocious.
 Check out Blake Bliss, he's amazing.

 All of his material is incredible, he really helped me a lot with my life.
This is going no where. I'm going to end this. Take care!
Potato house!

Field at my mother's.

Fears and Phobias (And Clothes ^.^)

So, what's new? I'm terrified. Why? I saw two spiders today. Where? In my house. One of them, in my room. I killed it with nail polish remover.. So let's chat about fears and phobias, considering there's absolutely no way I'm going to be able to rest now that there have been multiple occurrences of spider appearances. What are you most afraid of? Personally, I am afraid of rejection, and hurting loved ones. I care about people, I try so hard to not offend others, to be as open-minded and mature as possible. I have definitely learned you cannot please everyone. I am also afraid of embarrassment and humiliation. That's the reason that I have only recently started speaking up frequently. Before? I would sit in a desolate corner, staying quiet, silently listening and observing, thinking. Now, I speak up in class, I'm getting relatively good grades in my classes. I think. Not actually sure.. I know I was getting a 80.22% in science a few weeks ago. Anyway, I'm making new friends. Numerous new friends, and they're all amazing. I've tossed the dramatic, bitchy friends I had stuck with for a while, and got friends that are caring, funny, kind, understanding.. you get the point ^.^  .. I'm scared of pushing my friends away, but I simply need to remind myself that they're my friends for a reason, and stop being scared. (Ha, my bed is so organised! Three blankets and three pillows thrown on, and a bright green bed rest. Comfy!) So a guy just texted me after me notifying him of my subject I am writing about in my blog, and he says that if it isn't a phobia, it's an irrational fear. -.- *sigh* I am very afraid of spiders, which is arachnophobia, but whatever. I am not afraid of snakes. Of course, I am scared of animals such as bears, or cougars. Who isn't? Could you honestly say you could walk up to a mountain lion and not be the slightest bit afraid? I couldn't. I am terrified my loved ones will be harmed, in any way, shape or form. I try my very best to cheer them up when they're feeling down. I dunno. I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to wander a tad off course here.. I got five new bracelets today! Also, I have what I'm going to wear tomorrow figured out. A black skirt, black tights, black boots/heels, a neon green shirt, a black and white feather clip in for your hair, my black and skull belt, my chains, my neon green bracelet, my black and heart one, pink and skull one, my pink string one, and my pink bead one. My hair's going to be parted on the far right side, purple tinge showing. Well I'm exhausted, so if you'll let me, I shall drift away into unconsciousness whilst the cool moonlight pours over my terrified body. Take care. : )

Friday, 16 March 2012

Contradicting Thoughts

My thoughts contradict my thoughts with three different thoughts within one thought. Welcome to my mind.
Okay! So! I'm loving life, absolutely loving it. Now, don't get me wrong, I know the suffering, misery and anguish numerous adolescents are going through. Legitimately, I do. I don't want to get into that though, I'm in way too good of a mood. I just learned that my best friend has Odaxelagnia, like me. Well, I don't know how to use that word in context, so I'll just hope you get my meaning. It means that he and I get sexual arousal from biting, particularly on the neck for us. Although, (I don't know about him, but) I don't get aroused by bites if it isn't someone I care about.. If it's a meaningless person, there's no meaning to it. Redundant, eh? I dunno.. Next subject, I'm finished talking about my sex life, or lack thereof. First class today, no one could access their photos to photoshop and edit them, then hand them into the teacher. I had brought my camera in so I could put the photographs I had taken of the sunset the previous night onto the school network, then edit them. Well, I was the only one in the class editing photos this morning. Also, I'm a little upset I was too involved with editing that I barely acknowledged my best friend.. :/ So now I'm texting him.. Carrying on, the teacher was actually surprised at the photos I had taken, he assumed I had taken them off the Internet. Which I consider a compliment. Next class.. Science! We took notes, an abundance of them, on the types of transport that cells take.. or something.. Hurrah. The science teacher complimented me on my presentation on scientists. She stated that the dragons I used as backgrounds were very "me" and it was nice that I personalised the presentation. Here goes lunch: I take a huge bite of my friend's hot dog (turns out I like mustard), and my "friend" asked me if he could sit down beside me. Not only did he piss me off because he had just seen me take a huge bite of a hot dog then asked me a question, expecting an answer immediately, he pissed me off by saying he was trying to be nice. His tone of voice just.. gah!  He's..just.. You know, usually I don't complain about people, respecting them and all. Honestly, though?! You just gotta get it out.. Onto more happier subjects, my sister was at the school when I got fed up and left the cafeteria, so I got to eat her Oreo blizzard, while walking around and talking to teachers :3. Next class: Social. We had banana splits, while watching a movie about bananas.
Three quarters through the class, the fire drill bell rang.. So we all went outside, it was reasonably nice out, thankfully. Next class, English. Now here is where most of the excitement occurs. I can't recall most of the details 'cause of my ecstasy (in the sense of happiness) then rage emotions sort of.. overtook my brain. Okay, the teacher asked us what we took pictures of last class in English. I took a picture of an empty classroom, lights turned off, the rays of sunshine entering through the back window  and reflecting on the row of lonely desks. We ended up discussing how some of us are afraid of silence, afraid of our thoughts, while others are glad to be alone. Then there are some like me, whom of which fit into both categories. Well the teacher ended up yelling, which made a friend laugh, which made my best friend laugh, which made me laugh.. :S not good. Anyway, I walked a friend home.. I really like walking friends home. But I ended up walking through a sopping wet field..

My shoes, sopping wet.
Well, it's the weekend. Staying home, with my family, as usual. Blogging all day.
I wanna see a movie with a friend.. :/
Well I'm done talking for the time being.
My many, many thanks go out to all who read this : )
Take care.