Fears and Phobias (And Clothes ^.^)

O.O

So, what's new? I'm terrified. Why? I saw two spiders today. Where? In my house. One of them, in my room. I killed it with nail polish remover.. So let's chat about fears and phobias, considering there's absolutely no way I'm going to be able to rest now that there have been multiple occurrences of spider appearances. What are you most afraid of? Personally, I am afraid of rejection, and hurting loved ones. I care about people, I try so hard to not offend others, to be as open-minded and mature as possible. I have definitely learned you cannot please everyone. I am also afraid of embarrassment and humiliation. That's the reason that I have only recently started speaking up frequently. Before? I would sit in a desolate corner, staying quiet, silently listening and observing, thinking. Now, I speak up in class, I'm getting relatively good grades in my classes. I think. Not actually sure.. I know I was getting a 80.22% in science a few weeks ago. Anyway, I'm making new friends. Numerous new friends, and they're all amazing. I've tossed the dramatic, bitchy friends I had stuck with for a while, and got friends that are caring, funny, kind, understanding.. you get the point ^.^  .. I'm scared of pushing my friends away, but I simply need to remind myself that they're my friends for a reason, and stop being scared. (Ha, my bed is so organised! Three blankets and three pillows thrown on, and a bright green bed rest. Comfy!) So a guy just texted me after me notifying him of my subject I am writing about in my blog, and he says that if it isn't a phobia, it's an irrational fear. -.- *sigh* I am very afraid of spiders, which is arachnophobia, but whatever. I am not afraid of snakes. Of course, I am scared of animals such as bears, or cougars. Who isn't? Could you honestly say you could walk up to a mountain lion and not be the slightest bit afraid? I couldn't. I am terrified my loved ones will be harmed, in any way, shape or form. I try my very best to cheer them up when they're feeling down. I dunno. I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to wander a tad off course here.. I got five new bracelets today! Also, I have what I'm going to wear tomorrow figured out. A black skirt, black tights, black boots/heels, a neon green shirt, a black and white feather clip in for your hair, my black and skull belt, my chains, my neon green bracelet, my black and heart one, pink and skull one, my pink string one, and my pink bead one. My hair's going to be parted on the far right side, purple tinge showing. Well I'm exhausted, so if you'll let me, I shall drift away into unconsciousness whilst the cool moonlight pours over my terrified body. Take care. : )

Contradicting Thoughts

My thoughts contradict my thoughts with three different thoughts within one thought. Welcome to my mind.

Okay! So! I'm loving life, absolutely loving it. Now, don't get me wrong, I know the suffering, misery and anguish numerous adolescents are going through. Legitimately, I do. I don't want to get into that though, I'm in way too good of a mood. I just learned that my best friend has Odaxelagnia, like me. Well, I don't know how to use that word in context, so I'll just hope you get my meaning. It means that he and I get sexual arousal from biting, particularly on the neck for us. Although, (I don't know about him, but) I don't get aroused by bites if it isn't someone I care about.. If it's a meaningless person, there's no meaning to it. Redundant, eh? I dunno.. Next subject, I'm finished talking about my sex life, or lack thereof. First class today, no one could access their photos to photoshop and edit them, then hand them into the teacher. I had brought my camera in so I could put the photographs I had taken of the sunset the previous night onto the school network, then edit them. Well, I was the only one in the class editing photos this morning. Also, I'm a little upset I was too involved with editing that I barely acknowledged my best friend.. :/ So now I'm texting him.. Carrying on, the teacher was actually surprised at the photos I had taken, he assumed I had taken them off the Internet. Which I consider a compliment. Next class.. Science! We took notes, an abundance of them, on the types of transport that cells take.. or something.. Hurrah. The science teacher complimented me on my presentation on scientists. She stated that the dragons I used as backgrounds were very "me" and it was nice that I personalised the presentation. Here goes lunch: I take a huge bite of my friend's hot dog (turns out I like mustard), and my "friend" asked me if he could sit down beside me. Not only did he piss me off because he had just seen me take a huge bite of a hot dog then asked me a question, expecting an answer immediately, he pissed me off by saying he was trying to be nice. His tone of voice just.. gah!  He's..just.. You know, usually I don't complain about people, respecting them and all. Honestly, though?! You just gotta get it out.. Onto more happier subjects, my sister was at the school when I got fed up and left the cafeteria, so I got to eat her Oreo blizzard, while walking around and talking to teachers :3. Next class: Social. We had banana splits, while watching a movie about bananas.

Legitimately.

Three quarters through the class, the fire drill bell rang.. So we all went outside, it was reasonably nice out, thankfully. Next class, English. Now here is where most of the excitement occurs. I can't recall most of the details 'cause of my ecstasy (in the sense of happiness) then rage emotions sort of.. overtook my brain. Okay, the teacher asked us what we took pictures of last class in English. I took a picture of an empty classroom, lights turned off, the rays of sunshine entering through the back window  and reflecting on the row of lonely desks. We ended up discussing how some of us are afraid of silence, afraid of our thoughts, while others are glad to be alone. Then there are some like me, whom of which fit into both categories. Well the teacher ended up yelling, which made a friend laugh, which made my best friend laugh, which made me laugh.. :S not good. Anyway, I walked a friend home.. I really like walking friends home. But I ended up walking through a sopping wet field..

Field!

My shoes, sopping wet.

Well, it's the weekend. Staying home, with my family, as usual. Blogging all day.

I wanna see a movie with a friend.. :/

Well I'm done talking for the time being.

My many, many thanks go out to all who read this : )

Take care.

Complaining. ...Or not so much

<3

My excuse for complaining? It would take faaar too long to elaborate on all the amazing things in life, such as my friends. So I merely complain, for it's faster and simpler than going into depth about everything, which no one probably gives a shit about anyway. Exceeeept (why did I just type a question mark into the URL address? O.o) today was great. Just like the majority of days at school; I love school. The people there are amazing: the popular kids stay to themselves, and I've only gotten bullied once. Last year, in my old school in grade 9, I had basically two friends, out of a school of 95 adolescents. I self mutilated, as I was severely depressed, with my mother dying and multiple other tragic events. Oh- I'm also hideous. Since starting at my new school, a high school, with- five hundred students? I have dyed my hair black, and seriously started on the quest for self-creation. After all, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." -Someone I Can't Remember Their Name. Although, the past? It's inundated with topics we could blog about, or events I could relive for you. Nah, I don't exactly feel up to that challenge, or maybe I'm not ready. Maybe once in a while I'll share a select tid-bit with you concerning my past tense, but who knows? Back to the present moment! Rather, earlier today.. I fell asleep at 12 a.m., only to get woken up by my brother (whom had slept in the room bordering my west wall) at 4:30 a.m., saying that apparently we had to depart to Edmonton an hour than I had been notified, meaning I had half an hour to ready myself for the school day, and get my outfit together, which is pretty difficult some days (chains galore and skull belts for two examples). So, my brother and I had a very in depth discussion about how our minds are different than a lot of folk, and he helped me so much. So. Much. He assisted me in figuring out what I'm thinking and such. My mind contradicts itself too much. Example: I respect other's opinions, and take them into account in a debate. I may disagree with their opinion, but as long as their mature about it, and have a solid reason for why they believe what they do, I respect them. Although, I strongly disagree with homophobes and racists. I don't respect their opinion, but should I? They should learn to accept people as they are, by their personality, not WHAT they are. But should I accept them as they are, homophobes and racists? I don't think so... That's just my opinion, though. Maybe they think I should think the way they do, eh? You see, my brother is amazing. He knows how I think, and he can help me learn how to ..think. Shit, where did I put my flash drive? Shit.. I need that.

 Wifi, why you no be fast? Okay, there we go! Well, basically, I'm going to ramble on about whatever the heck comes to my mind. So the project I handed in last night? It was very poorly done. Why? I was preoccupied with developing my poem for Poetry Slam (you get up in front of the high school and read an original poem). My poem was actually pretty good. Blake Bliss from YouTube inspired it, and it was quite motivational. Of course, my two best friends in English.. well their poems were just amazing. Shea is incredibly moving when she presents poetry, and she is simply a PHENOMENAL writer. Just.. wow. Anyway, I was so ready to present my poem this morning. Which is surprising, because I had spent my whole life fearing presenting and public speaking. This time? Nope, I was so psyched!! Hmm... Seems my step mother booked a doctor's appointment in Edmonton. I couldn't go to Poetry Slam. I was crushed. Excruciatingly so. *sigh* There's honestly so much I could talk about, but I don't exactly want to mention individual's names.. *shrug* Shenanigans. WHICH reminds me. I have the best brother ever, I love him! He made me laugh SO hard on the way home from Edmonton! Tears were streaming down both my cheeks.. >.<

Well, since I've gone this long without introducing myself.. I might as well do it now. I am Chelsey. I am 15, turning 16 in July. I don't want a sweet 16.. but my dad said that I should go and plan a sweet 16. All I want is a tongue peircing, but no, apparently it rots your teeth. Let's see, any good ideas for a sweet 16 for a girl who doesn't quite fit in, but doesn't exactly want to? Anyway, I like metal music, and well.. just not horrid pop that just sings about sex and drugs. "The future doesn't pass, and the past won't overtake the present. All that remains is an obsolete illusion. We are afriad of all the things that could not be: a phantom agony." -Phantom Agony by Epica. Let's see, here.. "Yo, I be up in party looking for a hottie to bone. I got a drink in my hand and it's just called buffalo. Poppin' bottles in the house with the models in the V.I.P. All the girls make out for the whole damn club to see." (Sorry For Party Rockin' - LMFAO) <--- Is there any depth to those song lyrics? They don't have a deeper meaning in them, they don't speak to me. Sure, song like that are great in their own way. They just aren't very great to me. Except.. I'm an odd person. Have I rambled enough? I don't know if you've made it this far, or you stopped after the first word.. I don't know if anyone's reading this. Oh well. Anywhore, I have three step siblings, two biological siblings, a step mother, and a father. I like neon green, but wear, for the most part, only black. My hair is actually black/blue/purple. I am non-judgemental, I don't stereotype (or I try extremely hard not to). Holy christ, I talk a lot.. My apologies. See you, take care! : )